2010年4月2日
Peer review on Yit Wei's WA2
Well, this is a well-constructed essay. Statements and arguments are quite clear supported by enough evidence. I only find two places which may be improved. In the first paragraph, one of the argument which is expanded in the coming paragraphs is soly exposed (SRM lacks expericental data), which is a little bit abrupt. It could be improved by introducing other arguments in the paragraph or delecting that sentence and adding a more genral sentence. The other one lies in the last paragraph. "we should only focus on ..." is too absolute. Anyway, it is just a piece of small suggestion. The whole essay is quite good.
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First of all, i would like to thank Ren Yue for his comment. To start off, i would say that he gave a short but good advise for me to improve on my essay. Regarding to the first paragraph, i admit that i should not have pointed out the argument. I will rephrase my sentence so that my first paragraph will not contain any point that i will discuss later on. I also felt that my opening sentence for each paragraph was not done correctly, i will rephrase my sentence so that reader will not find difficulty in reading my essay. Ren Yue mentioned about i should not have put my stand so absolute in my last paragraph, i do not agree with him on this. It is because i am writing a argumentative essay, if i do not have a strong stand, i can not convince my reader. Finally, thank you for pointing out my mistakes.
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